Getting on the Wagon | Becoming FIT and more Active

A woman with many hats

May 18, 2012 by rwilson

I am a wife, a mother, a maid, a cook, a nurse these are just a few of the hats I wear. But I am also finding me again. My husband and I decided to move to a new province. Every day when I wake up I am thankful for that descision, I get to love and nurture myself and my family without all the drama that was daily before we moved. I now get some of the drama but I am far enough away that I can mostly just ignore it or I can choose not to answer the phone or Skype.

Also the people who used to make me feel terrible about my body, how I was cleaning my house, cooking or raising my kids no longer have power over me. In the first time in years I AM FREE. I am losing weight enjoying being a mother to my three wonderful children. I am enjoying playing with the kids and bringing them to play groups and the park and meeting new people. I am starting to dream again of things I want to accomplish instead of just getting thru every day. And there is no feeling in the world that comes close to that feeling. It feels like I was stuck under a rock and my husband lifted it off me when we decided to move.

After yesterday’s emotional post and issues from the past haunting me I would have normally ate till I was sick. I would have binged on fast food, chocolate, ice cream whatever I could get my hands on. Instead I decided to start my food journal again and distract myself by playing with the kids. The laughter of a child can cure anything. I crawled with my little one, I tickled my middle child, I played trucks with my oldest. Anything to keep control and even being sick and having a rough day I stayed in control. Why? Because I love me. I want to be there to love my children and guide them thru this cruel world. I want to be there for my husband to come home to. I want to live my life to the fullest now that I am calling the shots.

I am choosing to live, I am choosing to be healthy, I am choosing to be a positive role model but mostly I am choosing to be happy with just being me.

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The child in me

May 17, 2012 by rwilson

This post is going to be different from what I usually write but the story needs to be told.

Lately I have been losing weight steadily to the exception of a few lbs up but I weight less know that when we moved here. I should be happy and excited and motivated to move forward. But I’m not. I feel like with even pound I lose I am peeling layers of skin off. Layers that have been protecting me from the world. Layers that shielded me from the mean remarks I dealt with on a daily basis from being fat. There are things resurfacing emotionally that I wish would have just been erased. I guess while I was eating I was covering crap up but now the child I was is screaming inside of me. She is sad that she never had real friends, that her parents did not pick up on her unhappiness even with the numerous attempts to stay home from school. The 10 year old me is pissed that a family member put me on ww and stole a part of my childhood. The four year old me is pissed that another family member would call me fat even if she was morbidly obese herself and now tries to call my children fat. I am pissed that I never got to be a child that enjoyed being care free and playing for hours. Instead I was the child hiding in my bedroom with a book always lost in a fantasy world that sounded so much better than real life. I was the child who’s older sibling would constantly put her down, ignore her and pretend she didnt exist when her friends or other people where around. I was the one who apparently liked to sit with the adults at family functions instead of playing with other kids. How could my parents miss everything that was happening to my small and fragile world. I didn’t want to stay with the adults no one would play with me. I remember one Easter a bunch of people deciding to go on a bike ride and my mother telling my older sibling to make sure I stayed with the other family members. I was so excited to be involved in something anything besides sitting at a table. I hoped on my bike with a huge smile on my face and started peddling. I put my head down for 2 seconds since I was struggling to keep up and everyone was gone I was alone on the road in the middle of no where. I cried all the way back home not being able to hold the pain in. But when the others got back all that was said was you should have waited followed by but she was too slow. After that everyone just forgot about the whole situation. I sometimes wish we would have had a dog growing up cause at least then someone would have listened to all my fears and worries and would have been there for me to hold while I cried. Needless to say the child in me is a bruised, broken, sad and angry little girl.

In a few months I need to go back to where I grew up, the place I escaped by moving my family to a new province for one of my siblings wedding. I have a whole range of emotions surrounding this fact. My plan was to lose enough weight to be under 200 pounds by the time we go back. I’m not sure I will accomplish this goal. But I realized these past few days it’s not about the weight. It’s about wanting to be accepted, loved without judgement. To not be referred to as the fat one which is what my great grandmother use to call me. Who lets someone call their child the fat one, who allows that type of behavior to happen to their precious child. Who allows their child to grow up with no confidence and a horrible body image?Who does those things? The fact is I will never face these issues head on with the people that hurt me the most because I realize the words will go unheard. They are very much a sweep it under the rug type of family and let’s pretend everything is great.

One of the best things I am doing for my kids is telling them daily that they are pretty and handsome and smart and loved. I give them my 110%. I also dont allow the certain family member to call my children fat and when they do I am quick to correct them in front of my children. The whole point of me doing this is for them to know its not ok to have people belittle you or embarrass you. And I am protecting them from as much of the negativity as I can. I feed my children well and also let them indulge in junk food since I don’t want them to have eating issues. I’m not perfect but I am doing right by my children and I am glad that I have a husband who is on the same page as me about everything.

So today the child in me is surfacing loud and clear and one day I’ll be able to calm her down and reassure her that everything is ok but for today I’m letting her be free to yell, cry or do whatever she wants to do. Because she’s earned that right with everything she’s been thru.

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Trying to stay positive

May 16, 2012 by rwilson

At the end of last week and beginning of this week I’ve been down about my weight loss. In fact I gained 1.8 pounds this week at TOPS. I know what I need to do I need to get out to the gy. And workout. I am not eating perfectly but I am eating healthier. I’ve been starting my morning with a fruit smoothie and my water bottle has been attached to me all day. I’ve also been adding fresh slices of lemon or lime to my water.

I’ve been going to bed late and it’s catching up to me. I am thinking of switching my workouts to the morning. Weekends are no big deal cause we walk a lot and I can hit the gym while the kiddies are napping since hubby is home. Well I’ll eventually figure it out.

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Weight up and weight down

May 14, 2012 by rwilson

Lately my weight has been fluctuating lots during a 24 hour period. I usually count my first weight in of the day as my weight or my TOPS weight in since I know there scale is calibrated every Monday. This morning I stepped on the scale and it said I gained three pounds. I was bummed but I realize as long as I eat healthy and workout the weight will come off. I might have also gained because I am lacking in the water drinking department. I did also have junk food a lot more this week than in the previous weeks. So no crap into my body this week,groceries are going to get done tomorrow somim excited for the fresh food that will be here.

I made a smoothie this morning for breakfast and put some in bowls for the kids since it doesn’t come out of the sippy cups all that well. They though I was the best mom giving them ice cream for breakfast. They make me laugh those little monkeys.

We also took a long walk and played at the park. I really need to add sunscreen to the shopping list.
Well I’ll update everyone on my weight in after TOPS.

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Plan meals and save money

May 13, 2012 by rwilson

Yes this can be done. And you’ll be eating healthy meals. For years I’ve heard that poor people are obese cause they can’t afford to eat healthy and to that I say what a load of crap. As a young family we’ve had our challenges of budgeting the books and it did take some fine tuning but you can eat great on a budget. In this day and age there are countless ways to save money. You can by in bulk at a lower cost, use coupons, use sites like groupon and people shop sales. I am one of those people that loves to make meal plan my downfall was I always made everything too elaborate and the cost would sky rocket. I would slowly start eliminating food from the shopping list but then come up short for meals. This week I still want a meal plan but I will be shopping according to the sales. There are lots of great deals this week on meat so I tend to stock up and save some for when the prices are higher. The are loads of stores that do the buy one get one free events as well and this saves you money of you k ow the prices of the foods you enjoy. Not all sales are good ones but if you’re a savvy shopper you will figure it out fast. I also go to several stores when I do my shopping. I know that my diapers are cheaper at Costco and you get more per box. I also know that some of the staples like body wash are cheaper at Costco and my produce is cheaper at the farmers markets most of the time and they are open year round here. So all this to say you can feed a family on a stict budget and still eat healthy foods. So what are you waiting for go check out your flyers. And for those who don’t get paper copies you can find most flyers online.

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A letter to myself

May 11, 2012 by rwilson

Dear Rachelle,
There is no nice way to tell you this so here it is. Get your ass to the gym. Make a schedule and stick to it. Move everyday as much as possible. Keep working on push ups you will eventually be able to do them correctly. Weight yourself on the wii fit and do the biggest loser game every day you love the game so why aren’t you using it. You also love your wii fit, Zumba, adventures and several other DVDs. It will be hard to get motivated to working out again but you will love how you look and feel after your workout. Take care of yourself, love yourself and be kind to yourself. You have lots to live for, there are still many things you want to accomplish and you can do it.

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Dear fast food

May 11, 2012 by rwilson

Dear fast food,
Please go away. We have been I friends for many many many years but it is time to say goodbye. You’ve helped me thru ups and downs but now you just cause me pain. Today is the last day that I am letting make me feel guilty about myself. We are done over never going back again. Hell even my three year old is telling me you aren’t any good. It was nice knowing yu and I am sure I will miss you but it’s for the best.
Love,
Rachelle

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Seriously

May 10, 2012 by rwilson

After searching for a family doctor for a few weeks I finally found one that is accepting patients. We met with him. Last night and I have to tell you the whole experience was horrible.the doctor was two hours late, the receptionist was iterated that the kids were being loud and yelling claiming she just could. It concentrate with the kids there. When we did finally see the doctor we couldn’t even understand a work coming out of his mouth. Oh wait it gets worse, I asked for a referral to a dietitian or nutritionist and he told me to join Jenny Craig or WW. Seriously I could have called those places myself without even asking him anything and I would have saved myself two hours of precious time that could have been spent somewhere else. It frustrates me that our health care system is going to crap and that doctors have stopped listening to they patients.

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Another one bites the dust

May 8, 2012 by rwilson

Last night I was expecting a weight gain at TOPS well to my surprise I lost a pound. I’ve been having some breathing issues which are apparently nothing according to an Emergency doctor but I’m telling you people I feel like someone stuck a tube down my throat and I can’t breath in deeply enought. It’s really irritating feeling but worse is spending 6 hours in the ER without getting any answers.

I’m going to attempt to workout tonight but not sure if it’s going to be as intense as I would like it to be but any workou t is better than nothing.

I’ve found this new Greek yogurt that I like but it has way to much sugar in it. I will have to look for another brand but I am telling you the coconut flavor is to die for.

It’s beautiful and sunny here so maybe a trip to the park after dinner. Well kids are resting so I’m off to catch up on blogs.

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Make yourself feel better

May 7, 2012 by rwilson

As someone who has quite a bit of weight to lose I often find myself thinking I wish I was sexy. The truth I have come to realize this week is I am sexy. If you want to feel good about yourself then make it happen. Buy some clothes that make you feel good and make you confident. Wear some lingerie under your jeans. It will boost your confidence. As a society we rely on others to make us feel better about ourselves but the truth is no matter how many times someone says you look hot or sexy or gorgeous if you don’t feel it then you can’t really appreciate the complement to its maximum. Soo ladies don’t wait until you are at goal weight to wear some lingerie or some cute underwear. It will make you feel more confident if you have these simple little pleasures in life. And with summer just around the corner there are lots of places carrying nice dresses, sexy underwear and fun bathing suits. Just wear what makes you feel special. I know I went on a little shopping spree this weekend and even if I still have issues with my body when I slip on my new dress that to me makes me looks and feel sexy and it just makes me feel special. Stop waiting for goal weights and goal sizes. This counts for the gym too ladies. If your wearing crappy clothing to the gym chances are you don’t feel confident in the gym but buy a pair of capri and a nice tank top and your workout just got better.

I guess this was just a blog to say love yourself everyone in a while the negative self talk can sit on the back burner today.

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